The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
