I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Green mimosas i think yes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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