Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
