Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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