I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
