All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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