Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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