If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
