Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
