I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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