I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
