Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this boner is exhausting
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
