I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
