its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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