I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
