If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
