Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
