I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We have so much sex to catch up on
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
