Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
