Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize