yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
