I am full of burrito and curiosity
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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