Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
me + whiskey = a bad person
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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