Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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