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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
