So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
