i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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