arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
