I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
