Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
