Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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