I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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