I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
