The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
