I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
