I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
