i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
