Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
