alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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