I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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