tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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