Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
