i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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