what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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