i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
