New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
