best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
