omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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