from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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