Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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