FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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