I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
