I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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