Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize