sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
