it was like his penis was on wheels.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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