so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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