i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
