Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
