Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
