we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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