Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
