I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
