im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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