My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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