I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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