I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
