There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
