is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
