booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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