Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
