It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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