I look better un-naked...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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