he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
