just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
